By Ivan Gevirtz

created: Wednesday, June 30, 2010
updated: Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Ivan first learned to compute on a Suanpan model Abacus.  But it wasn't until after hacking on a cassette-driven TRS-80 in school, and writing a Mrs. Pac-Man intermission in Logo, that Ivan was able to cajole his parents to buy him an Atari 800, complete with a 5 1/4 disk drive, color monitor, and 6 pin dot-matrix printer.  When he used Print Shop to produce a banner with a 1 followed by a hundred zeros, his fate was sealed.  For the next several years, Ivan learned several obscure programming languages including Logo, Pilot, assembly, BASIC, Pascal, and solder.

In middle school, his interest in computers was only exceeded by his interest in girls, particularly one named Jill.  At some point in high school, he learned C and the rest is mostly susceptible to linear extrapolation.

One day, 16 years later, while at a trade show doing some last minute repairs on a radio interconnect bridge broken by some terrorist-fearing TSA agents, Ivan got an email.  As it happened, the company where Ivan was VP of Technology was called Coco.  The significance of this name will soon become apparent.

As shocking as it may sound, someone on the other side of the country had been using the Internet.  Google to be precise.  That very special someone happened to be looking for Ecuadorian Cocoa butter to make soap.

A butterfly flapped its wings in Brazil, and a perfect electromagnetic storm caused a typo to surface a Linux newsgroup posting.  In just 137 milliseconds, Ivan at Coco flashed before her eyes.

As you might have guessed, the soaper was Jill, and it was her Google search that produced the result inspiring the email that interrupted Ivan's late-night pre-conference debugging session.  They say that probability functions simultaneous collapse for entangled objects, regardless of distance.  Whether or not this property could be used to send superluminal signals, the force it brought to Ivan and Jill was celestial, and it was only a matter of time before they married and settled in the state of their shared formative years -- New Jersey.  In a dynamic feat of ultimate closure, Ivan will now work for the company named after a typo of the term valuing ten duotrigintillion.

While you could just paste my name in to the magic box, I'll save you the effort.  Are you feeling lucky?